Australia & New Zealand Adventure Part X: The Red Center

Sorry this is so soon after the last installment, saveit and read it later if you are sick of Aussieupdates! But I didn't quite get to writing about

thecenter

of

Australia

yesterday before I had to catch mygreyhound....I am currently in

Hervey Bay, Queensland

enjoying (not!) the first signs of winter. It ispissing down with rain! The Red center, as the desertcountry surrounding

Alice Springs

in the NorthernTerritory if fondly often referred to, was a veryclose second to West Australia as my favorite place onthis odyssey. And I certainly wasn't expecting that;in fact, I was rather dubious about

Ayers Rock

; Iassumed this was the only attraction of note in theregion and that it had been hyped too much to be thataffecting. I could not have been more wrong....Asyou'll discover if you read on.....!By far, the most important and amazing thing about mytrip was a young, cute, adorable male called Rex. Heweighed about 5 pounds and stood 15 inches high. Ababy kangaroo. Several weeks earlier, our guide, Ben,had witnessed his mother being killed on the highway.On discovering the tiny, hairless joey in her pouch,he was about to kill him when several of hispassengers came screaming off the bus, begging him togive him a chance at life. The vet gave Rex a 1 in 50chance of surviving. Nine weeks later, Rex was doingquite well when he came into my life. I immediatelyadopted him and diligently learned all of the tasksassociated with his care. How

lucky

was I to getthis experience on a paid tour of the outback? Istill can't believe it was real.

Rexy

, as I calledhim, needed feeding formula every hour, simulation ofhis mother's behavior to encourage him tourinate(involving brushing his balls with a branchback and forth till he peed), patient coaxing to jumpand exercise his muscles, and about twenty hours ofsleep inside a man-made pouch of cotton towels and apillow case. I grew very attached to this little furball, and by the end of the trip, I was singing littlelullabies to him as I rocked him to sleep in mysweatshirt, let him curl up with me in my sleepingbag, and carried him on hikes in my backpack, next tomy water bladder to keep him cool in the heat. Rexwas the highlight of this trip for everybody. Weespecially enjoyed how he would forward somersault toget into his pouch; this is his programmed manner ofgetting into mom. However, Rex would often mistakeall manner of objects as mommy's pouch, and as suchwould entertain us trying to forward roll into ourpockets, laps, sleeping bags, and knees, most of thetime failing to secure a hold and stumbling overbefore trying again, seemingly undeterred by his lackof success. God, he was adorable. I am so spoilt, Iam not sure if a kitten or puppy will ever be enoughfor me after the love and devotion this kangarooshowed me. No words.And I have to share a song with you. I had heard thissong on tours before, but by this trip, I wasdetermined to commit it to memory. It islaugh-out-loud funny, and supposedly (I am not sayingANYTHING about authenticity!) quite an accurategeneralised depiction of the

aussie

male (I am nottrying to offend any of my Aussie mates, so apologiesin advance!)The song is called "BLOKE" and is sung to the sametune as Meredith Brooks' song "BITCH".Here goes:I hate the new age guys,I'm a chauvinist, I live on beer and piesYesterday I liedBut my mates gave me, an alibi "Cheers, guys!"I really was out drinking, I said I was at work...Sometimes, you look at me like I was an angelunderneathBut I haven't brushed me teethCHORUS: I'm a bloke, I 'm an ocker,And I really love ya knockersI'm a laborer by dayI piss up all me payWatching footie on TVJust feed me more VBJust pour my beer, and get my smokes and go away!Or take me as I amThat might mean you'll have to fetch another can....CHORUS: I'm a bloke, I"m a yobboAnd me best mates' name is

Robbo

Its Phil gets me cigarettesI dress in

Flannelet

Shearers' singlet that is blueThrow in a few

tattoos

You know you wouldn't want me any other way!Lovely picture, isn't it?SO, where I left off last I was partying hard in AliceSprings the night before leaving at 5am on a five daysafari of the center. It had been a while since I hadlet some alcohol flow, and the night was quite amemorable one; including a rather unfortunate personalattempt by my aged and

decrepit

self to out-

maneuver

nubile 18 year

olds

at a limbo competition. Thefollowing morning I was greeted by a thumpingheadache, air that felt like thick soup to fightthrough, and a spine that felt like it had beenre-arranged by fairies in the night. Not to worry Ithought; Tex had assured us that the first day of thefive day safari was spent driving; meaning lots ofblissful bus sleep.Tex is a fat liar.I climbed into out monster 4x4

TRUUUCCK

, nearlydislocating my one good shoulder trying to get myshort arse into the passenger seat. I like sitting inthe front with the tour guide. As many backpackers in

Australia

will note, the tour guides are often theonly Aussies you get a chance to know on a personallevel; there are no shortage of POMS (

british

),German, Dutch, and er...more POMS staying in youthhostels, but you hardly ever meet Australians in

Australia

.

That's

why I make the effort. This maynot have been a good idea this morning, as this guidewas rather chatty and seemingly hell-bent on impartinghis entire life story before our first pit-stop,despite my pained grumblings and doubtless dribblefrom the left corner of my mouth, as my body fought tostay awake. Tired. Not even the beginning of it.The thought that I also had arranged tours every dayuntil April 23 was not a pleasant additional thought.As you all know, early mornings and my personality arenot an amicable fit. Our first stop was a camel sanctuary. Our guide, Ben,cheerily announced that we could all go for a camelride here. It was barely 6.30am. I laughed in hisface, hobbled, then fell out of the front cab, andstaggered towards the smell of hot coffee coming fromthe roadhouse. God help anyone that spoke to me; andheaven grace me with patience if anyone asked me whereI was from and then remarked "oh, its so cold there!",when I state Alaska as my place of residence.The "Rock" or

Uluru

, as the Aboriginal people refer toAyers, is over 350

Kms

from

Alice Springs

. Few peoplerealise this and our guide explained a time when hedrove a limousine for a living, and a Texan asked tobe taken to the "rock" from Alice Springs Airport, andbeing told to "step on it" because his onwardconnection left in an hour and a half. This countryis very spread out, and we had a lot of ground tocover.My first glimpse of

Uluru

most definitely drew a gaspfrom my lungs, despite my blurry state, which actuallyprobably added to the dreamy way it appeared as if outof nowhere. It was beautiful. Not in any way like Iexpected. I gathered all my remaining energy reservesand embarked upon the 10.6 k hike around its base inthe blazing sun of mid-afternoon. I was amazed at thesheer scale of this monolith, and how different itappears at all varied angles. I was curious about theclimb to the top; but I knew I was not going todisrespect the aboriginal elders' requests fortourists to remain firmly on the ground. This isstill a very sacred place for them, and so manytourists have died from heat exhaustion in theattempt, it has brought the local tribes much griefand turmoil. I wish all who came could be sensitiveto this.Feeling somewhat more lucid after the walk, weproceeded to a viewing area for sunset. We broke outthe champagne, cheese and crackers and sat back forthe "show" of changing colors. I am trying to notsound pretentious, and I am sure my emotional statewas partly due to my only having an hour of sleep, butI was truly and sincerely moved at the spectacle. Ished a few tears; there is something very spiritualabout this place, there is no doubt in my mind.Back at the campsite, I was irrational and blurry;demanding my swag and, falling into it like a drunk inthe street, I fell fast asleep; considerations aboutsnakes, spiders, heat and dust all second to mycraving for shut eye.The following day we were awoken at 4.30am so that wecould drive over to

Uluru

and Kata

Tjuta

(the

Olgas

)for sunrise. Bleary eyed, I went through my nowalmost robotic routine of unpacking and packing mybackpack (I want to burn it at this stage in mytravels), rolling my swag, stepping into clothes andclimbing into the truck with a toothbrush in my mouth.Sunrise was glorious. Until the flies came. Andswarmed.We spent the morning hiking through Kata

Tjuta

,another sacred aboriginal site for "men's business".It was massive in scale and just as impressive, if notmore so than the rock. I was beginning to realizethat worrying about smelling funny, or keeping myclothes clean was a futile pursuit. This red dust wasintrusive, it got into anything and made it pink. Allmy socks and t-shirts now have pinkish tinges. But

that's

also one of the biggest things I've learned onthis trip; not to be connected to my possessions forhow fast I have lost and/or ruined them. It was sohot that I soon shed my shirt in any case and hiked inmy bra. I know it sounds shocking, but you reallylose all sense of whats proper in this type of harshenvironment. Appearances are secondary to a desperateattempt for comfort.We drove over some horrendously flooded out and bumpyterrain to our next camp at Kings' Canyon NationalPark. We all realized why we were in this monster4

WD

. We would hit rivets in the road at fairlymoderate speeds and all go flying off our seats(including

rexy

in his pouch), like cowboys at arodeo, complete with whoops of joy for more, more!(well, at least from my mouth!).Camping under the stars was really magical. As wasdrinking and toasting beers around the campfiresitting on our swags. I was really enjoying myself.The next morning, before our hike, we went on searchfor some aboriginal bush tucker (outback food);primarily the

witchety

grub - a caterpillar likelarvae that, apparently, whilst disgusting inappearance, serves as an excellent source of protein.They live in the roots of certain shrubs which wespent nearly an hour digging out before Ben couldexcitedly offer one of them out to a brave and willingvictim,.... I mean, volunteer, of course, to eat. Itwas white, wriggling, raw, and looked very much likemy worst nightmare. I hate crawlies of any kind.Especially caterpillars. But I had to do it!Giovanna and I both ate one, raw, by biting off thebody right under its head. It jerked as I bit it, andsuppressing a reflex to vomit I didn't so much chew asswallow the gooey substance became in my mouth. Forthose of you in disbelief, I still am, and have tolook at the photos my fellow travellers took of mejamming it into my gob to believe I actually did it.

Ewwwww

!Kings Canyon was

phenomenal

and offered the additionalplus of a refreshing cool swim at a waterhole at itsbase. For those of you who have seen "Priscilla,Queen of the Desert", this is the place Guy

Ritchies

'character has always dreamed of hiking dressed in fulldrag, heels and a tiara. To which Terence Stamps'character so memorably replies: "Great.

That's

justwhat this country needs: Another cock, in a frock, ona rock".The following day we travelled to Palm Valley NationalPark where ancient palm species trees and Cicada treesgrow in abundance along the oasis of the river flowingthere. More vistas of red outback, glorious rockpools, cascading waterfalls and places to yell andsing my heart out without worrying about anyonehearing me. I loved it here. I was getting quiteadept at the bush camping thing too; proudly brave ofthe insects except on one evening when we had a showerblock at the campsite. Ross, a traveller from the

UK

,kindly offered to walk me to the showers which were afew hundred meters from our site. With flashlights inhand, we set off through the scrub. No matter what wedid, however, we kept only finding the toilet blockand kept imagining such terribly creepy things lurkingin the pitch black darkness that we gave up, gigglingto keep up our spirits as we hobbled, ashamed, back tocamp.We took many opportunities on this safari to discussaboriginal culture with our guide. Over the past fewmonths, I have listened to a wide spectrum of"opinion" on the issues facing

Australia's

populationof indigenous peoples, and I feel that after hearingarguments from a variety of perspectives, I ambeginning to get a grasp on this political and highlysensitive topic. Perhaps my own opinions will havetaken shape by the time I am ready to leave thecountry, and I will share them with you then. We didtake the opportunity of having lunch in an Aboriginalcommunity on this tour; and it was an experience whichvery much reminded me of the time I spent in a SouthAfrican Township in

Cape Town

, combined withexperiences of being in grocery stores in

Poland

before the fall of communism. Lots of bleak concreteand a lack of variety of brands to purchase. Thepeople, on the whole, acted shy and hesitant towardsme. But it was a valuable insight.Our final day took us to several lakes in the West

Macdonnell

Ranges National Park. It was a welcomechange to spend some time in water out of the dry andunrelenting heat. I was exhausted, and could onlythink about collapsing when I got back to Alice. Andit was so hard saying goodbye to Rex. I cried. I canhonestly say that Kangaroo gave me more joy and lovethan every guy I've dated in a year. I will miss him.Which I did; until about 10.30pm when Giovanna cameback to the room and told me I should get up, getdressed and come to the bar to celebrate my birthday!I hadn't had any dinner, so I was doubly excited tofind she had even gone to the trouble of getting me acake with candles on it which I blew out at midnight.She truly is a gem, and the most wonderful friend andtravel companion anyone could ever ask for! Ross andMatt were there as well as our whole tour group tohelp me celebrate. The highlight of the evening wasthe lovely

Caribbean

band who obliged my musicalpassions by letting me sing a few songs with them. Itwas a thrill to do so, especially on that day.Turning 28 in

Alice Springs

. Could be worse. Eh?I am sorry for the length of this letter! Thanks forpersisting to this point, take care and until nexttime........Which shall feature my 3 day escapade of hell throughthe outback from Alice to Cairns, the Great BarrierReef, sailing in the Whitsundays and 4-wheeling inFraser Island(where I am headed tomorrow!)Love to you all.